Personal Power and How to keep it Interestingly and sadly, we give others command and control over us without even knowing we are! We give them power over us. How does that happen, I hear you ask? Influence is powerful and can be insidious. I see and hear every day that individuals give their personal power away to others and do not even know they are doing it.
Comparison can be the Devil in Disguise
‘Full of Yourself’ – is that an insult or a compliment? A friend of mine posted yesterday that she had been accused of being ‘full of herself’ interesting I thought what is all that about I wonder Now this person I know has made phenomenal strides in the last year with her health both mental and physical, she openly talks about being suicidal 5 years ago, she has had a T Total year, she has done incredible work with her podcast & her business. She is a mum and a wife & because she has shared her message and her journey warts and all someone informs her that she is ‘full of herself’ WOW is all I can say AND why am I not surprised? ‘The Tall Poppy Syndrome’ came to mind which is where people attempt to cut down those that stand above (figuratively writing) them ‘The Green Eyed Monster’ is another way of referring to jealousy & can spring to action when comparisons are made & has been spoken about since Shakespeare wrote about it in Othello ‘Sour Grapes” when someone claims to not want something, often because they are envious of someone else who has it “Bitter Pill” something that is hard to accept or swallow, often because it causes feelings of jealousy or resentment & maybe you think you should have what the other person has without doing the work “Keeping up with the Joneses” & realising you are failing (for whatever reason) although trying to maintain the same level of material possessions or status as the neighbours or peers, often out of envy or competition or comparison Now my final phrase on this is: “Envy eats nothing, but its own heart” which an old saying that suggests that envy consumes a person from the inside and brings them no happiness – all I can say is the person who expressed the thought ‘you are full of yourself’ is eating themselves up with comparison from the inside out Now comparison is fine when it is a healthy comparison which spurs you on to do more, to be more, and to give more, of you to the world that supports and challenges others – we grow on that cusp of balance Comparison is not a useful exercise when it leaves you feeling negative not only about yourself but those you are comparing yourself to!. Now I would suggest that the person who wrote the phrase felt and thought they were better than my friend by keeping quiet about their success or achievements I can tell you wholeheartedly that is ‘faulty’ thinking We all need to learn to share more, it helps others to know it is possible We all need to learn to value ourselves more – it is our human right We all need to learn to admire others and applaud their success We all need to learn from those doing more for themselves than we are We need to learn to celebrate and express success in all its forms and applaud others quietly or loudly in any way we can – we need to learn to get out of the negative ‘cutting others down’ and into the positive ‘raise everyone up’ Change your thinking & change your life – a new book being written on that exact subject by me RIGHT NOW End of Rant & continue sharing my friend Ellie #ConsciousLeadership #Business #TheConsciousLeadershipCode #SuccessThinking #TrueWealth
Vision from a story
Stone Mason Parable & Vision On a foggy autumn day nearly 800 years ago a traveller happened upon a large group of workers adjacent to the river Avon. Despite being tardy for an important rendezvous curiosity convinced the traveller that he should inquire about their work. With a slight detour he moved toward the first of the three tradesmen and said, “my dear fellow what is it that you are doing?” The man continued his work and grumbled, “I am cutting stones.” Realising that the mason did not wish to engage in a conversation the traveller moved toward the second of the three and repeated the question. To the traveller’s delight this time the man stopped his work, ever so briefly, and stated that he was a stonecutter. He then added “I came to Salisbury from the north to work but as soon as I earn ten quid, I will return home.” The traveller thanked the second mason, wished him a safe journey home, and began to head to the third of the trio. When he reached the third worker, he once again asked the original question. This time the worker paused, glanced at the traveller until they made eye contact and then looked skyward drawing the traveller’s eyes upward. The third mason replied, “I am a mason and I am building a cathedral.” He continued, “I have journeyed many miles to be part of the team that is constructing this magnificent cathedral. I have spent many months away from my family and I miss them dearly. However, I know how important Salisbury Cathedral will be one day and I know how many people will find sanctuary and solace here. I know this because the Bishop once told me his vision for this great place. He described how people would come from all parts to worship here. He also told that the Cathedral would not be completed in our days but that the future depends on our hard work.” He paused and then said, “So I am prepared to be away from my family because I know it is the right thing to do. I hope that one day my son will continue in my footsteps and perhaps even his son if need be.” What lessons do you take from the Stonemason Parable? And do they reflect into your life?
Self Confidence and a Self-Assessment questionnaire
Self-confidence is a fundamental characteristic of your personality which you will have in varying degrees. You can be self-confident in one area and not in another depending on your experiences, your environment, and your relationships. The more you know and understand yourself the more you can do with what you have and what you desire to be. Confidence comes from the Latin word Fidere which means to trust, therefore having self-confidence means you have trust in yourself. Self-confidence is an attitude about your skills and abilities. It means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life. You know your strengths and weakness well and have a positive view of yourself. Knowing more and understanding more allows you to know what area to develop (if you choose to) sometimes you can be faced with what appears to be an avalanche of areas to work on – especially if you compare yourself to others! It will never work to attempt to do everything in one go (believe me I tried) it can cause confusion and chaos and a potential loss of identity, which serves no one and especially you. You need self-confidence but what you need is true self-confidence not the deluded type where individuals think they are good, right, great, when in reality they aren’t and it does happen. ‘Self-confidence is one thing and others having confidence in you is another’ Julie Hogbin Answer the following questions with a true or false response and see what sort of result you achieve All of the following statements can be reversed in behaviours if they need to be – it is the same with everything – if what you are doing is ultimately not serving you and you do not like the results you achieve – change. As somebody famous said you are not a tree! I hesitate to voice my opinion I always think about what I should have said after the event. I rarely feel comfortable with strangers I feel that people talk about me behind my I often worry I am easily I feel that people misjudge I do things better than most I am attractive to the opposite I rely on status symbols (car, club ) & who I am seen with etc to give me confidence. I make a point of quickly letting strangers know of my achievements & qualifications I am afraid of making a fool of Many people do not like me very I seldom receive encouragement from I am more creative than most people I know I have more drive and energy than most people I know I am less attractive than most other people I I am afraid to make a speech in front of In general people let me I strongly resent I would like more approval from I am over-modest. Most people do not understand I am happy with the way I I doubt the genuineness of compliments which I In most situations I do not do myself justice I am not good enough for my I am seldom sure that I have made the right I envy the success of There are many things about myself which I would like to I am satisfied with my achievements in My plans are more likely to fail than I often worry about the future I wonder whether all my thoughts are normal People do not take an interest in ‘It is not what you know that counts it is what you do with what you know that counts’ Julie Hogbin
Living with Contentment, Joy and Ego
Living with Contentment, Joy and Ego We all need to be aware that there are differences between short term interest and long-term interest and the consequences of both. And that the long-term interest in anything is far more important than the short term It serves us to remember there is no absolute and everything is relative. We must be able to judge according to the circumstances and our experiences and feelings are mainly related to our bodies and our minds. It is wise to remember that mental happiness and mental calmness is beneficial and to consider that, although two people may face the same kind of tragedy or situation or scenario. One person will face it more easily than the other, due to their own mental attitude, abilities and coping mechanisms. If you really want to live a happy life, then it is important to pursue internal and external means, and what do I mean by that? Personal development and material possessions and that is not something you will hear me say very often, but we can be as personally developed as we can possibly be and if we do not have a roof, over our head, food on the table, and warmth when it is freezing cold outside, then will we be truly happy? There are complete and alternate levels of materialism, which is something I have to admit I have become very aware of in recent years. As much as we need personal development, and we need material possessions, we also need spiritual development. Spiritual development does not necessarily link to religious faith. Spiritual development can relate to the core basic human qualities and characteristics of someone who lives with ethics and morals for a good life, doing good for themselves and for others. We all have the same human potential unless we have a physical or mental impairment and even with a mental or physical impairment, we have huge potential to become far more than we currently are. When we utilise that potential in the right direction, and we utilise the brilliance of the human mind and body and soul, we can create magic rather than creating disasters. We can create happy lives for ourselves, and we can also help and support others to create their happy life and that we all have a natural creative ability – we do we sometimes just have to find the switch and turn it on We need to realise our own potential and accept our own potential and then build if we do not already have it, the self-confidence in our own ability and potential. Self-confidence is not something that comes to many naturally. Self-confidence is something that can be built, it can be developed, and it can be managed. We can all develop from where we are to where we need to be when we live with our future in mind. We become the person we need to be to achieve the thing that we want to achieve. We create balance or imbalance in our own lives and recognising that everything is in balance is an important first lesson in creating a happy life As a very simple example, if we do not smile, how would we and why would we expect others to smile at us? Most of our outcomes and our results originate from within and what we put out into the world, generally speaking, is what we receive back. Coming back to the smile, it is illogical to expect smiles from others if we do not smile. One of the first stages to living a happy life is self-awareness and what do I mean by that? Being aware of: Our own behaviours, Our own thoughts, Our own habits, Our own unconscious and conscious driving forces Which allows us to make judgments, which allow us to change our behaviours, which allow us to assess and rationalise the situation. Why would we do that? When we think and rationalise, we can think about the potential for our own benefit and the benefit of others and choose how to respond rather than react. Self-awareness and self-confidence do not always mean that we have to be right. And that the thing we are doing and are looking at we are assessing; we are reviewing; has to be a win for us regardless of any other situation and the other people in the scenario. As much as I don’t particularly like the phrase win-win. It is something that when we think about win-win and utilise the concept appropriately. Many situations that aren’t currently a win-win can become one and, believe it or not, on occasions, we don’t have to win, we can lose. As long as, we are losing with a conscious forethought of mind, it can help all parties to lead a happier life. Our losing is our win in our eyes and that is what is important, not what we think others may be thinking. Remember, everything is in balance. We win, we lose, we win-win Now let’s think about self-confidence? When we chose to balance that out on a spectrum what is the balance, it could be conceit or it could be pride. Or it could be lack of confidence One leads to good results, and the others potentially lead to not so good results for very different reasons Maybe this is the point to actually say one of the things that very often comes up in these types of conversations. People are told they have an ego and the ego got in the way. Let’s have a think about this. We all have ego, all of us, it is neither good nor bad, lets look at what it actually means An ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem, self-importance, self-confidence, self-image, self-worth Our Ego is the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is
‘Be Right or Be Happy’ – we can be both or neither
‘Be Right or Be Happy’ is a phrase I hear linked to Communication, and it was said to me a short while ago as a slight criticism and I initially accepted it as being right because sometimes I know I am right and being wrong is not an option and I without question accepted the phrase as being right! Then I thought about the phrase more and the more I thought it led me to the fact that the phrase is wrong which led to this article about being right! Or being wrong! First things first being right does not exclude me or you from being happy, being wrong does not exclude me or you from being happy – they are not mutually attached for me, or for you, or in fact for anyone on the planet Now I have not told the other person they were wrong in their statement – I do not need to be right in that situation – I have made the choice to write an article instead to share my thoughts on the subject You can be right and be happy and you can be wrong and be happy. You can be wrong when you are right and be happy, you can be happy when proven wrong and any other combination of right and wrong and be happy – it is your choice Happiness is an emotion you choose to have or not, it is something you can create or destroy in any moment with a change of thought, it is your choice, and you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness, that is their choice Now here is the ‘thing’ not everybody knows that! and being right sometimes upsets other people and that is their choice It is how you are right, how you express it, what and how much compassion you include or not, how emotionally intelligent you are in the moment and follow up that is important, what tone you are right in, what words you use, how you behave that makes the difference You do not always have to be right; you have choices in how to balance being right or wrong dependent on the situation, and the environment and the person you are interacting with in your communications How you behave will affect the results you receive in every aspect of life and business A simple graph explains what I mean and the choices you have You have 4 options to choose from and recognise Being right when you are right Being wrong when you are wrong Being wrong when you are right Being right when you are wrong Each position has its own set of parameters and reasons as to why you would adopt that position with your communication Being right when you are right Being right is a fundamental necessity in many circumstances Being right when it is a legal matter, a piece of objective factual evidence-based information, truth on a situation is a good thing that is not to be dismissed, underestimated, or allowed to not be said. If you choose to not be right when you know you are right, you collude with & condone the wrong, it allows others to be wrong on something that is wrong rather than right. By accepting not being right and not saying anything you allow others to continue to be wrong without the knowledge of how to be right Is that fair for them? There is a process to go through to not undermine them and their thoughts, you can be right without trampling on others and of course the complete opposite can be true People may not remember what you said, they may not remember what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou Now being right can sometimes come from just having to be right regardless of whether you are or not. Being right when it is a personal opinion can lead to judgements, prejudice, bias and all sorts of other ‘stuff’. It relates to being right for being rights sake, as such. Meaning you stand your ground, you dig in, you don’t listen, you trample over others, you win at all costs and your ego shouts. It really isn’t pleasant Do you always have to be right even if you are? The simple answer is no you don’t. Now whether you are or not is a whole other thought process. There are always times and situations and people where being right, even though you are, is just not important. You can walk away, you can stay silent, you can retreat, you can change the subject – there are options to be taken Clearly there is a choice to be made in the moment of the impact being right will make on the situation, the relationship, the subject, the beliefs of the other person This is where Emotional Intelligence, comes in and where you weigh up the costs and benefits, the pros and cons, on you and the other person, group or situation A few questions to ask yourself: How much energy do you want to expend on being right? How important is it to you? Why is being right important to you? Is being right vital? Is being right the only way? What is the relationship you are in with the other person, organisation, team? How do you want to maintain the relationship going forward? Being wrong when you are wrong This is an absolutely fabulous way of showing your ego isn’t shouting, or the fact that you are listening, that you can be wrong, that you are willing to learn from others This is even more important when you are a Leader, and please remember we are all Leaders, admitting being wrong is a skill and an art and can be learnt To be