It Isn’t All About You (Or Me): The Power of Projection in Relationships
“It really isn’t all about you.”
It’s a phrase that might escape your lips in a heated moment or even in a considered moment. It might sound like a shutdown — but in truth, it holds deep emotional wisdom. And when followed with:
“then it isn’t all about me either,”
…it becomes a powerful act of conscious awareness, and a tool for transformation in relationships — both personal and professional.
even before you utter those words (however you say them) add the 2nd statement and it may make you think about the purpose of your statement
“If it isn’t all about them, then it isn’t all about me either,”
🔁 What Are We Really Saying?
When we say “It isn’t all about you,” we’re usually responding to self-centred behaviour. Perhaps someone is interpreting everything through their own lens — assuming offence, intent, or blame that wasn’t there. They’re stuck in ego, in projection.
But here’s the rub:
Projection goes both ways.
If we call someone out for making it about them, we must be willing to ask — am I making it about me in return?
🧠 What Is Projection?
Projection is a psychological defence mechanism where we unconsciously assign our own feelings, assumptions, or fears to someone else.
Think:
You assume your partner is judging you — when in fact, you’re judging yourself.
You believe someone is angry with you — but you’re holding anger within.
You accuse someone of being selfish — but maybe you haven’t recognised your own needs or boundaries.
There is a concept that when you see something in someone else it is present in yourself! for good and bad (more on that later)
Projection is subtle. It distorts our perception. And it creates conflict where curiosity should live.
🔍 Relationships Are Mirrors
A belief I have is, “Nothing sits in isolation; everything is connected.”
This is especially true in relationships.
When you catch yourself thinking, “They always make it about them…”, pause.
Ask:
Am I responding to what’s happening now — or what happened before?
Am I truly seeing them — or seeing my story about them?
What part of me is activated right now?
This kind of reflection is where emotional intelligence grows. It’s where leadership of self and #ConsciousLeadership begins.
🧭 From “You vs. Me” to “We”
When we BOTH step away from the idea that one person must be right, we create space for something deeper: connection over control. Collaboration and growth.
We move from:
Blame ➝ Ownership
Defence ➝ Understanding
Ego ➝ Empathy
This isn’t about denying your feelings. It’s about understanding where they’re truly coming from — and recognising that the other person’s behaviour isn’t always about you, just as your reaction isn’t always about them.
💬 How to Use This in Real Life
Here’s a powerful phrase you can use:
“I wanted to say, ‘it’s not all about you’ — and I realised, it’s not all about me either. Can we look at this together?”
This creates openness. It shows self-awareness. And it invites dialogue over defensiveness.
🧠 Conscious Relationships Require Conscious Language
Words like these aren’t just soundbites — they’re a practice.
A practice of choosing awareness over assumption, compassion over control.
When we notice our projections, we reclaim our power.
When we own our part, we lead by example.
When we stop making it all about them (or us), we open the door to we.
❤️ Final Reflection
“If it isn’t all about them, then it isn’t all about me either.”
This phrase is a reminder: we’re always in co-creation.
We don’t exist in emotional vacuums — we influence, trigger, support, and mirror one another.
And when we step into that awareness, we step into real connection — where love, respect, and growth can flourish.
#SuccessSuite #Leadership #SelfAwareness