On 01/11/23, I was at the O2 to hear Dr Jordan Peterson speak, and he had guests on stage with him, one of whom was Douglas Murray who spoke about the change of one particular phrase in the UK culture and how it had disappeared the phrase is ‘mustn’t grumble’
My love of language, curiosity, intention and influence created this post. In the joy of language, subtle changes occur that we do not always recognise are happening until it has occurred. Words and phrases that once held cultural significance fade away, only to be replaced by newer expressions.
One such phrase that held its place in the British dialect for many years that was generally said after the common question ‘how are you?’ is ‘mustn’t grumble.’
Over time, it has made way for another phrase of ‘not bad’ in response to the same question.
Now the reality is when you really think about it the question in and of itself, it is a question that people rarely answer truthfully. If you truly responded to the question of ‘how are you?’ the conversation may take an hour.
Why do we ask questions that we really do not have the time, in most instances, to actively listen to the answer?
A throwaway question with a throwaway answer, which I personally only now ask if I have the time and the intention to listen to the answer.
Humour me and come with me on a journey through the origins of these phrases and contemplate the evolution of our responses to the age-old question, “How are you?”
The Origins of ‘Mustn’t Grumble’
The phrase ‘mustn’t grumble’ embodies the classic British stiff-upper-lip sentiment. It conveys an ethos of perseverance, resilience, and maintaining a positive front even in the face of adversity.
Historically, the UK, with its weather! I love it by the way, wartime experiences, and economic trials, had taught us to be resilient. The phrase itself carries an implicit understanding that, even if things aren’t perfect, you should not complain too much and instead get on with things.
It’s possible that ‘mustn’t grumble’ gained traction during times when it was deemed necessary to keep your personal struggles private and soldier on. The phrase speaks to a community-oriented mind where voicing personal dissatisfaction was sometimes seen as burdensome to others.
It could also be a consideration that through WW1 & WW2 we knew there was far worse that could happen – life was not the same then as it is now by any stretch of the imagination.
Now, I cannot say I experienced that directly, and my parents and grandparents did.
The stories, the consequences, the influence, the knowledge is fresh in my mind and to be honest I am very probably the last generation who can say that.
The Shift to ‘Not Bad’
Fast forward to modern times, and we find ‘not bad’ becoming the more popular response. On the surface, it might seem negative, but it is a reserved way of admitting that things are going reasonably well without appearing overly boastful. The British, known for their understated manner, may find this response fitting in a world where humility is often prized.
However, the shift also speaks to a subtle cultural transition. As society becomes more individualistic and self-aware, our expressions reflect a more nuanced take on personal well-being. ‘Not bad’ suggests an acknowledgement of life’s imperfections while still maintaining a semblance of positivity.
In fact, for many, it is purely 2 words that indicate a response to a question that they know very well the questioner does not really want an answer to. It is a throwaway un thought-through answer to a throwaway, unthought-through question. It has become a commonplace parlance that has, in reality, no meaning for many.
Why Not use ‘I am Good?’
I wonder why many shy away from the straightforward ‘I am good.’ In British culture, modesty and understatement have always been virtues. Being too overtly positive might come across as bragging or not being genuine. There is also the consideration of the social script; conversations, especially casual ones, often follow a predictable pattern, and ‘I am good’ might be seen as breaking this unwritten script.
Try it and see what response you receive or even say ‘I am fabulous’ or answer the question ‘how are you?’ truthfully and see what happens.
In Reflection
Language is a reflection of society, its values, and its shared experiences. ‘Mustn’t grumble’ harkens back to a time when collective resilience was the order of the day. Meanwhile, ‘not bad’ captures the spirit of a modern Britain that acknowledges life’s ups and downs but continues with its characteristic reserved optimism.
While phrases might change, what remains consistent is the human desire for connection and understanding. Whether we answer with ‘mustn’t grumble,’ ‘not bad,’ or any other phrase, it’s a way of sharing a piece of our current state with another, hoping for that nod of understanding in return.
Douglas Murray also said that all he hears people do now is ‘grumble’ to which 20,000 people almost in unison agreed (well that was my interpretation of the auditorium noise)
‘Nothing sits in isolation; everything is connected.’
Far more written to come on this subject & if you like audio please hop across to The Conscious Leadership Podcast to hear more there are over 200 episodes
https://podfollow.com/conscious-leadership-podcast