Self-Awareness and Self-Confidence – Living in Balance What a concept that is, for late (ish) 2022, when this is being written, we all need to be aware that there are differences between short-term interest and long-term interest and the consequences of both and how we choose to focus and how we choose to operate. Our behaviours, and, our long-term interest in anything is far more important than the short term. It serves us to remember that there is no absolute and everything is relative. We must be able to judge according to the circumstances, our experiences, and feelings which are mainly related to our bodies and our minds. It is also wise to remember that mental happiness and mental calmness is beneficial to all. And to consider that although two people may face the same kind of tragedy, or situation, or circumstance, one person will face it more easily than the other due to their own mental attitude, abilities and coping mechanisms. And if you really want to live a happy life, then it’s important to pursue the internal and the external means and what do I mean by that? Personal Development and material development and this is not something you’ll hear me say very often, but we can be as personally developed as we can possibly be. And if we do not have a roof over our head, food on the table, and warmth when it is freezing cold outside, then will we be truly happy? And as much as we need personal development, and we do need material possessions, we also need spiritual development. Spiritual development does not necessarily link to a religious faith. Spiritual development can relate to the core basic human qualities and characteristics of someone who lives with ethics for a good life doing good for flora, fauna, people and planet. We all have the same human potential, and even with a mental or physical impairment, many of us have huge potential to become far, far, far more than we currently are. When we utilise that potential in the right direction, and we utilise the brilliance of the human mind and body and soul, we can create magic, rather than creating disasters. We can create happy lives for ourselves. And we can also help and support others to create their happy life. We must remember that we all have a natural creative ability. We sometimes just have to find the switch and turn it on. We need to realise our own potential and accept our own potential and then build if we do not already have it, the self-confidence in our own ability and potential. Self-confidence is not something that comes to many naturally. Self-confidence is something that can be built, it can be developed, and it can be managed. We can all develop from where we are to where we need to be. When we live with our future in mind, we become the person we need to be to achieve the thing that we want to achieve. We create balance or imbalance in our own lives. And recognising that everything is in balance. It is an important first lesson in creating a happy life. As a very simple example, if we do not smile, how would we and why would we expect others to smile at us? Most of our outcomes and our results originate from within and what we put out into the world, generally speaking, is what we receive back. Coming back to the smile, it is illogical to expect smiles from others if we do not smile. And one of the first stages to live a happy life is self-awareness. Now, what do I mean by that? Being aware of our own behaviours, our own thoughts, our own habits, our own unconscious, and conscious driving forces, which allow us to make judgments, which allow us to change our behaviours, which allow us to assess and rationalise the situation. Why would we do that? When we think and rationalise, we can think about the potential for our own benefit and the benefit of others. Self-awareness, and self-confidence do not always mean that we have to be right. And that thing we are doing, looking at, we are assessing, we are reviewing has to be a win for us, regardless of any other situation, and the other people at the centre in the scenario as well. And as much as I don’t particularly like the phrase win-win. It is something that when we think about win-win, and utilise the concept appropriately, many situations that aren’t currently a win-win can become one. And believe it or not, on occasions, we don’t have to win, we can lose. And as long as we are losing with a conscious forethought of mind, it can help all parties to lead a happier life. Remember, everything is in balance, we win, we lose, and we win-win. Let’s think about self-confidence, when we choose to balance that out, what is the balance. The other ends of the spectrum, it could be conceit, or it could be pride, or it could be lack of confidence. One leads to good results, and the others potentially lead to not so good results for very different reasons. Maybe this is the point to say one of the things that very often comes up in these types of conversations, people are told they have an ego, and the ego got in the way. Let’s have a think about this, we all have an ego all of us, it is neither good nor bad, we need it Let’s look at what that actually means. The ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem, self-importance, self-confidence, self-image, self-worth. Our ego is the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious, and is responsible for our reality testing, and provides us with a sense of personal identity. We need our ego to allow us to continue, we need our ego to
Respect – what does it mean truly?
Respect is a way of being towards something or someone. You can show respect to objects, times and people, teams, businesses, or products and of course not forgetting perhaps the most important yourself Let’s 1st look at the definition of the word and where it originates from Definition of respect: to feel or show admiration for, to regard as being worthy of admiration because you believe they have good ideas and good qualities. You have a high opinion of someone or something. An interpretation from the mid 16thC is “treat with deferential regard or esteem, regard with some degree of reverence” A point to make at this point is you can have respect for something or someone and not agree with them or it. You can have respect for someone and not like them, the feelings do not have to be mutually positive. The word respect comes from the Latin ‘respectere’ which means ‘to look back at’ ‘regard’ ‘consider’. Therefore, respect involves devoting time and energy to seeing something clearly, not through a filter of one’s interpretations, biases, assumptions, and judgements. Which of course then links to how you can respect something or someone and not agree, you put the emotional context aside and take an objective view of the subject Respect involves noticing and listening and being willing to look at something or someone again, rather than rely on 1st impressions and of course 1st impressions count on your ability to do that until you know about putting your biases aside Respect is a relation between a subject and an object in which the subject responds to the object from a certain perspective. A simple fact: A person who respects something perceives it differently from someone who does not. Respect is the acknowledgement of the power of something other than yourself to demand, command or make claims on your: • Attention – give time and energy, listening and understanding • Deference – consideration, not putting yourself first • Valuing – attaching worth or value to something or someone • Conduct – taking appropriate behaviour Respect of Someone Respect involves deference, in the most basic sense of the word; self-absorption and egocentric concerns give way. You demonstrate respect for others by: • Having regard for people’s feelings • Accepting and celebrating difference • Taking notice of people • Caring for others • Listening to and valuing other peoples’ opinions • Treating others with courtesy and dignity • Avoiding violation of and interference in another’s rights • Never intentionally ridiculing or embarrassing others • Not needing to be right all the time • Affirming them Is Respect Due to all or does it need to be Earnt? • Some argue that respect is something that must be earned. • Others argue that respect is due to all regardless. • Some say that people are not inherently worthy of respect, they must act in such a way as to deserve it. • Some say that all people regardless of anything other than being human are deserving of respect. What it does mean is that we all perceive respect and what it means from our own viewpoint and position, ultimately to disrespect yourself or anyone else is a slippery slope to something else contempt, disdain, derision, mockery, and ridicule spring to mind. We will all have our biases & choice as to what we respect in life both someone and something, and it will be different from one to another and there will be general commonalities I am sure if we studied the subject in enough detail to do a huge survey This means that respect can be accorded to people in differing amounts, depending on how much respect they have earned or have the right to claim. People tend to accord varying amounts of respect to people based on several different factors. Here are some that factor in: • Age • Financial resources • Experience, expertise, or talent, their knowledge • Family background, their bloodline or their heritage, their class • Position, their seniority or their title • Sex, race, disability, sexuality • Opinion • Admiration of a particular way of being The list can clearly be longer, and I would ask you to think about what you respect as it will affect your actions towards others and objects and yourself Respect yourself before all others as without you respecting you what happens? • You are devalued • You do not achieve what you can • You are influenced by others who may not have your best interests at heart • You allow yourself to say yes when no is the answer • You remain in jobs that do not serve • You remain in relationships that do not serve • You do ‘things’ that are not respecting of you – sex, lies, colluding with wrong What we choose to respect is absolutely our choice and with the right to choose as an individual comes the responsibility to acknowledge that others have the right to choose as well. Now, what does that mean if you are working with others? It means that a conversation and agreement need to be made so that boundaries are not trampled all over and disrespect is shown unintentionally Expectations • What name do you wish to be called? • How close do you wish people to be to you? • How do you wish people to talk to you? • What do you wish to be respected for? They are a few thoughts to kick start a thought process and of course, it is much deeper than that and in a working environment there is so much more • Age in the past has demanded respect – does it today? • Years of service have in the past demanded respect – do they today? • Titles have in the past been used to show respect – is it the same today? • Positions have in the past wielded power – do they today? Things have changed
Self Confidence and a Self-Assessment questionnaire
Self-confidence is a fundamental characteristic of your personality which you will have in varying degrees. You can be self-confident in one area and not in another depending on your experiences, your environment, and your relationships. The more you know and understand yourself the more you can do with what you have and what you desire to be. Confidence comes from the Latin word Fidere which means to trust, therefore having self-confidence means you have trust in yourself. Self-confidence is an attitude about your skills and abilities. It means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life. You know your strengths and weakness well and have a positive view of yourself. Knowing more and understanding more allows you to know what area to develop (if you choose to) sometimes you can be faced with what appears to be an avalanche of areas to work on – especially if you compare yourself to others! It will never work to attempt to do everything in one go (believe me I tried) it can cause confusion and chaos and a potential loss of identity, which serves no one and especially you. You need self-confidence but what you need is true self-confidence not the deluded type where individuals think they are good, right, great, when in reality they aren’t and it does happen. ‘Self-confidence is one thing and others having confidence in you is another’ Julie Hogbin Answer the following questions with a true or false response and see what sort of result you achieve All of the following statements can be reversed in behaviours if they need to be – it is the same with everything – if what you are doing is ultimately not serving you and you do not like the results you achieve – change. As somebody famous said you are not a tree! I hesitate to voice my opinion I always think about what I should have said after the event. I rarely feel comfortable with strangers I feel that people talk about me behind my I often worry I am easily I feel that people misjudge I do things better than most I am attractive to the opposite I rely on status symbols (car, club ) & who I am seen with etc to give me confidence. I make a point of quickly letting strangers know of my achievements & qualifications I am afraid of making a fool of Many people do not like me very I seldom receive encouragement from I am more creative than most people I know I have more drive and energy than most people I know I am less attractive than most other people I I am afraid to make a speech in front of In general people let me I strongly resent I would like more approval from I am over-modest. Most people do not understand I am happy with the way I I doubt the genuineness of compliments which I In most situations I do not do myself justice I am not good enough for my I am seldom sure that I have made the right I envy the success of There are many things about myself which I would like to I am satisfied with my achievements in My plans are more likely to fail than I often worry about the future I wonder whether all my thoughts are normal People do not take an interest in ‘It is not what you know that counts it is what you do with what you know that counts’ Julie Hogbin
Procrastination what is it and how to stop it!
For a document titled Procrastination I am going to start with writing about worry which may seem an odd thing to do AND procrastination is based on an emotion of worry about something and fear about something. They are indelibly linked Worry is a state of mind based upon fear and it works slowly but persistently it can be insidious and subtle until it paralyses the reasoning facility which can destroy self-confidence and initiative Worry is a form of sustained and future focused fear which is caused by lack of knowledge about the future and causes indecision and it can be controlled and managed. Worry is a learned behaviour as is indecision therefore if it is learnt it can be unlearnt. Worry creates an unsettled mind, and an unsettled mind creates indecision, many individuals lack will power to reach a decision and then to stand by it – it truly is not an unusual occurrence By reaching a decision, no result which life has to offer, is worth the price of worry and indecision. When worry is released, it unleashes so much power it is truly, truly magical. With the decision peace of mind and calmness of thought are available which increases happiness, other emotions and ultimately outcomes Please remember worry is a forward focussed emotion based on not knowing the future, it is based on what may happen in the negative rather than forecasting a positive future A lesser word for worry is concern, which by default sounds less harmful. Now concern with appropriate due diligence is fine. It is part of our natural process A person whose mind is fearful has the potential to not only destroy their own opportunities of intelligent action but also to transmit those destructive emotional vibrations to the minds of those who encounter them which can also destroy their opportunities and state of mind. Emotional contagion is a true phenomenon that is not to underestimated and as much as we contage others they contage us – fear and worry can be catching and without conscious awareness can be an insidious and slow-moving state creating lack of progression We are more attune to some than others and the longer we spend in individuals’ company the greater the impact they will have on us. Our thoughts lead to our very actions and if our thoughts are negative so will our actions be. Now of course doing nothing can be negative and in some instances, it is exactly the right thing to do – nothing therefore becomes a positive action. The reality is understanding the belief, the value, the thought behind the action is it a worry, holding back, negative thought or a reasoned, thought through positive action free of worry and full of rational evidenced based information. So how does this lead to procrastination? Procrastination is the habit of putting off until tomorrow that which should have been done or could have been done yesterday, the day before, last week, last month, last year. The one thing that is for sure is that when the time has passed we never ever get it back Procrastination is very closely related to caution, doubt and worry Procrastination also links into a fear of loss Loss of love Loss of freedom Loss of wealth Loss of position Loss of perfection Loss of …….. (fill in the blank) Procrastination is a series of decisions of not making a decision on a subject that will lead to change. In truth procrastination keeps you stationary and with an ever-evolving world ultimately creates a backward movement. It can be caused by a lack of self-confidence, a lack of purpose, a lack of initiative enthusiasm, ambition and sound reasoning ability. Procrastination can be compounded with ill health both physical and mental and will be escalated when people are experiencing stress. Putting procrastination to bed Stop worrying – I know that is easy to write & harder to do, worry is a learnt emotion therefore can be unlearnt Work out what the fear of loss is linked to Create a gain for the change a positive reason and outcome Gather relevant information to make sound decisions Learn how to make decisions, there is a process to follow Catch the inner voice and change the negative words it will be using Learn about the ‘thing’ that you are procrastinating on (not to the point of analysis to paralysis) Look for people who are already doing the ‘thing’ Do not compare yourself to those doing the ‘thing’, let them inspire you List your achievements and recognise your skills – builds confidence Celebrate your previous and current successes in any walk of life – builds confidence Be aware of emotional contagion from others Be aware of your own emotional contagion to self (and others) Prompt and firm decision to follow a definite route of action Have a purpose, linked to personal values Create a strategy, and goals Have an accountability ‘person’ who you truly respect Commit to self to do and be more I could add more to the list and this is a great start Everything has more than one perspective and how we view the world and the thing that we are procrastinating about will affect our results The following image clearly indicates how one word that for many will have a negative interpretation can have so many more
Living with Contentment, Joy and Ego
Living with Contentment, Joy and Ego We all need to be aware that there are differences between short term interest and long-term interest and the consequences of both. And that the long-term interest in anything is far more important than the short term It serves us to remember there is no absolute and everything is relative. We must be able to judge according to the circumstances and our experiences and feelings are mainly related to our bodies and our minds. It is wise to remember that mental happiness and mental calmness is beneficial and to consider that, although two people may face the same kind of tragedy or situation or scenario. One person will face it more easily than the other, due to their own mental attitude, abilities and coping mechanisms. If you really want to live a happy life, then it is important to pursue internal and external means, and what do I mean by that? Personal development and material possessions and that is not something you will hear me say very often, but we can be as personally developed as we can possibly be and if we do not have a roof, over our head, food on the table, and warmth when it is freezing cold outside, then will we be truly happy? There are complete and alternate levels of materialism, which is something I have to admit I have become very aware of in recent years. As much as we need personal development, and we need material possessions, we also need spiritual development. Spiritual development does not necessarily link to religious faith. Spiritual development can relate to the core basic human qualities and characteristics of someone who lives with ethics and morals for a good life, doing good for themselves and for others. We all have the same human potential unless we have a physical or mental impairment and even with a mental or physical impairment, we have huge potential to become far more than we currently are. When we utilise that potential in the right direction, and we utilise the brilliance of the human mind and body and soul, we can create magic rather than creating disasters. We can create happy lives for ourselves, and we can also help and support others to create their happy life and that we all have a natural creative ability – we do we sometimes just have to find the switch and turn it on We need to realise our own potential and accept our own potential and then build if we do not already have it, the self-confidence in our own ability and potential. Self-confidence is not something that comes to many naturally. Self-confidence is something that can be built, it can be developed, and it can be managed. We can all develop from where we are to where we need to be when we live with our future in mind. We become the person we need to be to achieve the thing that we want to achieve. We create balance or imbalance in our own lives and recognising that everything is in balance is an important first lesson in creating a happy life As a very simple example, if we do not smile, how would we and why would we expect others to smile at us? Most of our outcomes and our results originate from within and what we put out into the world, generally speaking, is what we receive back. Coming back to the smile, it is illogical to expect smiles from others if we do not smile. One of the first stages to living a happy life is self-awareness and what do I mean by that? Being aware of: Our own behaviours, Our own thoughts, Our own habits, Our own unconscious and conscious driving forces Which allows us to make judgments, which allow us to change our behaviours, which allow us to assess and rationalise the situation. Why would we do that? When we think and rationalise, we can think about the potential for our own benefit and the benefit of others and choose how to respond rather than react. Self-awareness and self-confidence do not always mean that we have to be right. And that the thing we are doing and are looking at we are assessing; we are reviewing; has to be a win for us regardless of any other situation and the other people in the scenario. As much as I don’t particularly like the phrase win-win. It is something that when we think about win-win and utilise the concept appropriately. Many situations that aren’t currently a win-win can become one and, believe it or not, on occasions, we don’t have to win, we can lose. As long as, we are losing with a conscious forethought of mind, it can help all parties to lead a happier life. Our losing is our win in our eyes and that is what is important, not what we think others may be thinking. Remember, everything is in balance. We win, we lose, we win-win Now let’s think about self-confidence? When we chose to balance that out on a spectrum what is the balance, it could be conceit or it could be pride. Or it could be lack of confidence One leads to good results, and the others potentially lead to not so good results for very different reasons Maybe this is the point to actually say one of the things that very often comes up in these types of conversations. People are told they have an ego and the ego got in the way. Let’s have a think about this. We all have ego, all of us, it is neither good nor bad, lets look at what it actually means An ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem, self-importance, self-confidence, self-image, self-worth Our Ego is the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is
How to Create Luck
‘Lucky Is as Lucky Does’ what a great saying and what does it mean? What is Luck? Is luck a big factor in the outcomes you achieve? What is luck? Luck can be seen as the events or circumstances that operate for or against you. I hear people muttering about bad luck and I hear people saying that it happened by good luck especially when the event seemed to appear out of nowhere A definition of luck from a dictionary, ‘the force that causes things, especially good things, to happen to you by chance and not as a result of your own …’ and then it leaves it to your imagination to fill in the dots & one word I will use is; endeavours, it implies you have nothing to do with it either way For many people Luck is thought to happen by chance; it’s not thought to be something you can plan for or obtain by intention. Some say luck is decided by our fates, by karma or that the individual was born under a lucky star. Some people’s lives appear to be filled with joy, with abundance, they are full of vitality, they have successful careers or business, and loving relationships. Please before you start comparing yourself reread the word appears to be Wikipedia says: Luck is the phenomenon and belief that defines the experience of notably positive, negative, or improbable events. The naturalistic interpretation is that positive and negative events may happen Now here is a thing, that word improbable if you truly believe luck is improbable then it will be for, in reality, what we believe comes true! We are our own self-fulfilling prophecy We can all improve our luck for sure. Luck is the product of our own intentional focus combined with belief, thought and action. Paying attention to our intentions with congruent thoughts and actions will provide us with good fortune. Believe that by changing your intention and paying attention to your intention you can increase the amount of luck you experience in all areas of life. This is an 11-step thought process for you to think about and magic into reality Expect the Best Create your own self-fulfilling prophecy. You do get what you expect, and lucky people expect the best. They are certain that their future is going to be full of good fortune and they are not afraid to ask for it and work for it Be Curious The more curious you are, possibilities will open and the “luckier” you will become. Open your eyes, look around, and ask questions. Curiosity will lead you down roads that you might not otherwise have travelled. You just never know who or what you may bump into and what you may learn Create Opportunity Be in the right place at the right time and be the right person, opportunity will present itself. Assume nothing always ask and dig for what you want, where you want to be, or for something you need and want. Ask and you shall receive – well maybe not always in the way you may desire, or in your initial time frame BUT if you do not ask then nobody knows Keep your ears and eyes open & do not instantly think ‘no’ ‘I’m not good enough’ ‘I can’t’ are you getting the picture? Ask for What You Want It’s no accident that those who are lucky and get what they want, actually ask for it. Trust your instinct and make requests assertively. What’s the worst that can happen? They may say no, at least they know and the ‘no’ maybe a no for now not forever. It’s acceptable to repeat your request later. Hear Your Intuition Learn to trust your intuition and pay close attention to your gut feelings. Do not dismiss it as nonsense and ‘woo woo’ it is a true phenomenon we all have and few access. Clear your mind from the million thoughts that are probably flying around and seek peace and calm to learn how. Once learnt it will always be with you as a skill and a sense Grow your Comfort Zone Two of the best ways to “be lucky” are to be willing to take calculated risks and to embrace unexpected opportunities. Try new things. Go new places. Don’t just do the things for which you know the eventual outcome. Stretch yourself. Go outside your comfort zone and face your fears and do not let them stop you Create a Vision When you have a dream, and you know what you want luck knows what to delver to you. Simple, and in reality, it does take time to know, to truly know, and start now if you haven’t already. It can always be increased and grown later – luck comes in all shapes and sizes Create a Plan You must have a plan on how you are going to achieve your vision and yes of course luck likes a plan as it knows where to show up and you know where to be for it to find you. There is of course a lot more to a plan than stated here and you can find that in my first book on Amazon First Step First Success does not happen overnight. In truth, it takes work to move forward, and it can sometimes feel overwhelming. The best and most effective way to accomplish what you want, to stay open to the lucky forces of the universe, is to take your dreams one step at a time. The first step may be the hardest and it will compound when you take the next and the next and the next and along the way celebrate your luck to be on the journey See yourself as a lucky person, someone who simply gets what they want. Visualize that your soul’s windows are open, fresh air is pouring in, and with it the positive energy of the universe. See yourself in detail. Experience the feelings of a “lucky” person.
Contracts are vital
Contracts – Training, Coaching, Speaking, Mentoring Every course, training, event, speaking, coaching, mentoring agreement needs to have some form of contract. Some kinds of training event or duration of training may require a fuller contract than others. There will be at least 2 parties in the contract and the more explicit the contract is the greater clarity of responsibilities and rights linked to the responsibilities will be present. They may be at times 3 or 4 parties and contracts involved if you are hiring a venue, or the organisation is hiring a venue. Also remember the learner may hire the venue A contract can be written, or verbal, explicit or implicit. Contracts can be agreed on a handshake! Normally a ground rules contract would be agreed at the beginning of the training event or at the start of a particular session/activity however, a contract can be made during an activity. The writer suggests for clarity an agreement is confirmed in writing in advance of the event – why? Because this is your ‘audit trail’ if you ever need it. The implicit word is not the most reliable and is also up for alternate interpretation by all parties involved – unless communication is explicit and detailed and of course even then can still be questioned at a later point. Contracts include: Please take the word trainer to mean speaker, coach, mentor etc & I am sure this is not an exhaustive list – it is a start for your thoughts Between whom Type Purpose Organisation – Trainer Written Contract to provide training/service Implicit or written Express values & reputation of organisation Implicit or written Release people for whole of course, support them to attend Trainer – Organisation Written Provide written programme content & learning objectives Implicit or written Uphold the values and reputation of the organisation Trainer – Learner Ground rules Govern behaviour on entire course Course Programme Promise of what learner will learn, what course will cover, start times, etc. Specific activity ground rules Govern behaviour during specific activity e.g., giving feedback, doing task. Learner – Trainer Personal learning objectives Assess at beginning or before course, trainer promise or not Implicit Expectation of safety, inclusion and civility Learner – Organisation Implicit or written Promise to learn, promise to practice, promise to use training Organisation – Learner Implicit or written Request something specific in return for training Promise to learner to support learning implementation Between whom Type Purpose Venue – Organisation Written Agreement clearly defined of services and equipment to be provided. Including catering or not Venue – Trainer Implicit or written Provision of all training materials, audio & recording equipment in good working order as agreed Venue – Learner Implicit or written Clear guidelines, fire safety and services as agreed All – Venue Implicit or written To use venue with care and consideration To report faults in a timely and considerate mannerTo provide feedback and work in relationship Learner to Learner Audience Implicit or written trainer ground rules Willingness to work together appropriately Charterhouse Rules in many cases Key thoughts areas for a contract are: Duration of programme/event Investment required for entire programme (from either party) Timings and dates Cancellation Clause (from either party) Postponement Clause (on either party) Deposit Engagement fee Venue – who arranges and pays and their cancellation clause Hospitality inclusion or not – mileage, hotel etc for trainer &/or delegates Confidentiality After report if required – written or verbal and how detailed (remember confidentiality) Evaluation if required and who completes Outcome – result promise from the trainer, venue, learner or organisation Security & time of access to venue & exit times Delivery of stock to venue and storage Partnerships and how that will work for costs, time and Intellectual Property rights Recording, access, distribution and ownership & permission from the attendees GDPR if appropriate Cancellation – it happens as does postponement & ‘force majeure’ Always agree up front cancellation clauses, periods of time and % due to you and from you This affects all parties involved, if you are cancelled on or the event is postponed or if you are unavoidably incapacitated or ‘change your mind’ Consider the time and period you wish to be compensated for and of course that also applies to the organisation and venue Each party will need to agree and I would definitely suggest this agreement is written and signed by all parties You will be liable for the cancellation charges set out below % of Original Booking Value % of Original Booking Value More than 52 weeks Between 26 & 52 weeks Between 12 & 26 weeks Between 8 & 12 weeks Between 21 *Days & 8 weeks Between 0 & 20 *Days 0 25 50 75 90 100 0 25 75 90 100 100 *Note when it gets to days, please be aware this may be business days (Mon -Fri) This is an example only and of course can be designed to suit The venue may also reduce the fees due if they can resell the space, it would be worth finding out in advance. They may also refund a deposit or not and they may also negotiate on price dependent on their business and their authority level. Partnerships When you take joint responsibility for an event with one or more partners, please accept that you will need an agreement and the concept of this document is a great start for a conversation Insurance There are ups and downs, pros and cons, give and take with events and agreements. There is always the potential for taking an insurance, over and above, public liability and personal indemnity, to cover additional ‘ris
5 Cs of Leadership!
Collaboration, Contribution, Consultation, Coercion, Collusion ‘Women who collaborate, change the world, create legacies and make history’ Julie Hogbin In fact, & of course anyone who collaborates can do exactly the same Collude implies to scheme, conspire, or connive. Coercion implies doing it with intimidation, threat and under pressure & consultation has both positive and negative connotations dependent on your experience of the situation & can be a very good thing when you consult well. Even collaborate has its own negative use & as with all things in life it is how we demonstrate our beliefs into behaviours that create the result Contribution is exactly that you as the individual you are contribute – to something somehow in sone way you donate to something, you are part of something, you create an impact on something, someone, somehow. Without doubt that contributions can be both positive or negative – it is your absolute choice In the main none of the three words, collude, coerce, consult have the same positive connotation as collaborate does in our 21st C language & contribution well we all do it all of the time – just what is it we do? There is a general consensus that to collaborate is a good thing – I feel Contribution is contributing to something and that could be because you are coerced, it could be that you are colluding, and it could be that you are collaborating. It serves to recognise the different skills and the different behaviours of each of these. It then serves to look at why you are doing what you are doing, is it for a quick win or a longer-term gain, is it because you are under threat or fear – what ever the reason please make it a conscious one and if you do not like it either you delivering it or you receiving it – CHANGE IT do something about it It may take you a few attempts and it will be worth it When we are creating a team, a business, of any description it supports us to have this knowledge. Start it right and it continues well – start it badly and that’s the way it continues, a solid sound foundation is easy to create at the beginning and much harder to implement later Collaboration does not mean you give your power away it means that you invite others to contribute, and you work with them in partnership, building relationships as you go. Collaboration enables individuals to work together to achieve a defined and common business purpose. That may sound very easy and when you strip back what business is all about, it fundamentally comes down to coordinating the efforts of those that are employed or volunteer to achieve the result Collaboration creates a feeling and culture of equality; I would suggest that collaboration creates an equality whereas colluding and coercion do not. Please remember equal does not mean same, equal is a result, it is a combination of skills and ways of being and doing, imagine an equation the = is greater (or lesser) than the parts that make it. With collaboration you will without doubt need to consult with the relevant parties Consultation The final one to add is consulting. Whether we consult with a capital C or a small c, and whether we are consulting for the business new or existing, any business change, HR change, employment law change, policy change, process change, change of T’s & C’s, whether it be through a merger, a combination of two businesses, two organisations, two teams, restructure or an office move ……… the list can almost be endless When you consult with a big C, the 1st thing is to do it well. Unfortunately often there are restructures or redundancies attached to that. If you consult with a big C, you really are needing to consult before any decisions are made other wise you are creating false hope and expectations. Consultation can cause mayhem within organisations, as if you consult people believe they have an influence in the outcome. And that, of course, is not always the case. So please don’t consult falsely. If you do consult, make sure that you provide feedback to the people who have contributed and those in the wider audience. If they request feedback, it should be responded to in a timely manner. Listen to what they truly have to say. Not everybody will express their opinions in the best manner and as the person who is doing the consulting, listen. A consultation provides an opportunity to express an opinion & that does not mean to say that everybody’s opinion becomes part of the end result. Follow a process so that all are included and understand why things are happening as they are If individuals are making enough energy and effort to provide an opinion, please listen to it and respond to it. Any opinion expressed should be reflected on. Create a process where more questions are asked, if need be. Some people express an opinion from a place of being influenced by others rather than their true thoughts. They may express an opinion without the facts or the true evidence of whatever it is they’re expressing. Remember, when people are in consultation, through a merger or restructuring, or in reality whatever it is, emotions can be higher, and that can affect opinions and how people express them. To gain the best results from a consultation, a greater percentage of people need to participate in it. Otherwise, the results are skewed. Now of course we can’t make people give us their opinion as managers or leaders, all we can do is encourage them and to create the environment where they want to. Now if they have been consulted before, if they have not received feedback or results from previously or felt their contribution wasn’t listened to, they may not want to give you an opinion again. Keep them informed. Much resentment can be
‘Be Right or Be Happy’ – we can be both or neither
‘Be Right or Be Happy’ is a phrase I hear linked to Communication, and it was said to me a short while ago as a slight criticism and I initially accepted it as being right because sometimes I know I am right and being wrong is not an option and I without question accepted the phrase as being right! Then I thought about the phrase more and the more I thought it led me to the fact that the phrase is wrong which led to this article about being right! Or being wrong! First things first being right does not exclude me or you from being happy, being wrong does not exclude me or you from being happy – they are not mutually attached for me, or for you, or in fact for anyone on the planet Now I have not told the other person they were wrong in their statement – I do not need to be right in that situation – I have made the choice to write an article instead to share my thoughts on the subject You can be right and be happy and you can be wrong and be happy. You can be wrong when you are right and be happy, you can be happy when proven wrong and any other combination of right and wrong and be happy – it is your choice Happiness is an emotion you choose to have or not, it is something you can create or destroy in any moment with a change of thought, it is your choice, and you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness, that is their choice Now here is the ‘thing’ not everybody knows that! and being right sometimes upsets other people and that is their choice It is how you are right, how you express it, what and how much compassion you include or not, how emotionally intelligent you are in the moment and follow up that is important, what tone you are right in, what words you use, how you behave that makes the difference You do not always have to be right; you have choices in how to balance being right or wrong dependent on the situation, and the environment and the person you are interacting with in your communications How you behave will affect the results you receive in every aspect of life and business A simple graph explains what I mean and the choices you have You have 4 options to choose from and recognise Being right when you are right Being wrong when you are wrong Being wrong when you are right Being right when you are wrong Each position has its own set of parameters and reasons as to why you would adopt that position with your communication Being right when you are right Being right is a fundamental necessity in many circumstances Being right when it is a legal matter, a piece of objective factual evidence-based information, truth on a situation is a good thing that is not to be dismissed, underestimated, or allowed to not be said. If you choose to not be right when you know you are right, you collude with & condone the wrong, it allows others to be wrong on something that is wrong rather than right. By accepting not being right and not saying anything you allow others to continue to be wrong without the knowledge of how to be right Is that fair for them? There is a process to go through to not undermine them and their thoughts, you can be right without trampling on others and of course the complete opposite can be true People may not remember what you said, they may not remember what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou Now being right can sometimes come from just having to be right regardless of whether you are or not. Being right when it is a personal opinion can lead to judgements, prejudice, bias and all sorts of other ‘stuff’. It relates to being right for being rights sake, as such. Meaning you stand your ground, you dig in, you don’t listen, you trample over others, you win at all costs and your ego shouts. It really isn’t pleasant Do you always have to be right even if you are? The simple answer is no you don’t. Now whether you are or not is a whole other thought process. There are always times and situations and people where being right, even though you are, is just not important. You can walk away, you can stay silent, you can retreat, you can change the subject – there are options to be taken Clearly there is a choice to be made in the moment of the impact being right will make on the situation, the relationship, the subject, the beliefs of the other person This is where Emotional Intelligence, comes in and where you weigh up the costs and benefits, the pros and cons, on you and the other person, group or situation A few questions to ask yourself: How much energy do you want to expend on being right? How important is it to you? Why is being right important to you? Is being right vital? Is being right the only way? What is the relationship you are in with the other person, organisation, team? How do you want to maintain the relationship going forward? Being wrong when you are wrong This is an absolutely fabulous way of showing your ego isn’t shouting, or the fact that you are listening, that you can be wrong, that you are willing to learn from others This is even more important when you are a Leader, and please remember we are all Leaders, admitting being wrong is a skill and an art and can be learnt To be